1.不结婚你不过是一条单身狗，结婚就是要了你的狗命。
If you don get married, you are just a single dog. Marriage means your dogs life.
2.英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数。
Heroes don ask for a way out, and hooligans don look at their age.
3.别扯了，这世上根本就没有怀才不遇，只有不孕不育。
Don pull, there is no talent in this world, only infertility.
4.人都说腿毛长肾好，我满意地摸了摸自己的腿毛，我一个女生，要那么好的肾干啥！
People say leg hair long kidney is good, I feel satisfied with his leg hair, I am a girl, want so good kidney why!
5.聪明的人嘴甜，讨厌的人会演，而你什么都不会，所以只能被骗。
Smart people have a sweet mouth, and annoying people can act, but you can do anything, so you can only be cheated.
6.你无法叫醒一个不回你消息的人，但是红包能。
You can wake someone who doesn return your message, but red envelope can.
7.单身久了，连煮饺子看见两个粘在一起，我都要用铲子把它们分开。
I have been single for a long time. When I see two dumplings sticking together, I have to separate them with a shovel.
8.人生最大的悲哀就是，青春不在，青春痘却还在。
The biggest sorrow of life is that youth is not there, but acne is still there.
9.他人笑我穿的厚，我笑他人冻成狗。
Others laugh at the thick clothes I wear, I laugh at the frozen dogs.
10.谁说你没有毅力的，单身这事你不就坚持了好几十年吗？
Who said you don have perseverance? Youve been single for decades?
11.说金钱是罪恶，都在捞;说美女是祸水，都想要;说高处不胜寒，都在爬;说烟酒伤身体，都不戒;说天堂最美好，都不去!
Say that money is a crime, all in fishing; say that beauty is a curse, all want to; say that the height is too cold, all climbing; say that smoking and drinking hurt the body, all don quit; say that heaven is the best, all don go!
12.黑夜给了你一双黑色的眼睛，可你却用它来翻白眼。
Night gives you a pair of black eyes, but you use it to roll your eyes.
13.前几天刚发年终奖，下班回家看见一乞丐可怜，随手给了几块。晚上后去银行存钱，又见到他，他存八千，我存两千。靠......
A few days ago, I just received the year-end bonus. When I came home from work, I saw a poor beggar and gave him a few pieces. Later in the evening, I went to the bank to save money. I saw him again. He saved 8000 and I saved 2000. Depend on
14.你不必减肥，瘦下来也没人喜欢你。
You don have to lose weight and no one likes you.
15.长得好看又喜欢吃的才是吃货，长得不咋滴还喜欢吃的叫饭桶！
What looks good and likes to eat is food. What looks not so good and likes to eat is rice bucket!
16.过年了突然冷了，想买件羽绒服，但是要1000多，左思右想，感冒药也就几十块钱嘛，还是买感冒药划算。
New years day, suddenly cold, want to buy a down jacket, but to more than 1000, think about it, cold medicine also dozens of dollars, or buy cold medicine is worth it.
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