为了巩固咱们的友谊，拉近东西部差距，抑制贫富悬殊，杜绝社会分化，稳定社会治安……我请客你买单！
In order to consolidate our friendship, narrow the gap between the East and the west, curb the gap between the rich and the poor, eliminate social differentiation and stabilize social security…… I treat you to pay the bill!
丑又怎么了？反正只要不照镜子，恶心到的就是别人。
What about ugly? Anyway, as long as you don look in the mirror, others are disgusted.
失败一万次也要勇敢表白，总有一个会瞎了眼。
If you fail 10000 times, you should be brave enough to confess that one will be blind.
今日事今日毕，实在不行就放弃。
If you can finish today, just give up.
爸爸说长得帅的男人会说谎，妈妈说长得不帅的男人也会说谎，你爸就是给例子。
My father said that handsome men would lie, and my mother said that handsome men would also lie. Your father is an example.
“为什么寒假比暑假短？”“热胀冷缩啊。”“那为什么作业还一样多鸭？”“质量不变啊。”
"Why is winter vacation shorter than summer vacation?" "heat expansion and cold contraction." "then why do you have as many ducks as homework?" "the quality remains the same."
为了表明决心，这几天的高数和英语课我都不带手机去，果然效果很显著，现在课上睡觉安心多了。
In order to show my determination, I don take my mobile phone to advanced mathematics and English classes these days. As expected, the effect is very remarkable. Now I feel much more comfortable sleeping in class.
你感情路上不顺吗？顺啊，一路上都没什么人。
Are you having trouble with your relationship? Shun, there was no one along the way.
一个路人拦下计程车，他问司机：从这儿到机场要多久？司机：要很久的。路人：起码要多久？司机：骑马要更久。
A passer-by stopped the taxi. He asked the driver: how long does it take from here to the airport? Driver: it will take a long time. Passerby: at least how long? Driver: it takes longer to ride.
有什么问题需要我帮忙的，我看看能不能帮倒忙。
If theres anything I can do for you, Ill see if I can help you.
其实有个男朋友也挺好的，起码他可以在水管爆了的时候帮我递一下扳手。
In fact, its good to have a boyfriend. At least he can pass me the wrench when the water pipe bursts.
今天有个同事离职了，离职的理由是肠胃不好，消化不了老板画的饼。
Today, a colleague left his job because he has a bad stomach and can digest the cake drawn by the boss.
老师是个光头，有一次上课，他说：“如果我的左手是正极，右手是负极，双手相握会如何？”我同桌答道：“你脑壳就亮了。”
The teacher is a bald head. Once in class, he said, "if my left hand is the positive pole and my right hand is the negative pole, what will happen if I hold my hands?" my deskmate replied, "your skull will be bright."
要考英语四级了，为了提高听力，上周我对室友说：“以后咱俩平时用英语交流吧，谁犯规谁请吃饭。”室友赞同地说：“好，我也正有此意。”那天以后，我俩基本上就没说过话……
Its time to take the CET-4 test. In order to improve my listening, I said to my roommate last week, "lets communicate in English in the future. Whoever breaks the rules will invite me to dinner." my roommate agreed, "OK, I have the same intention." after that day, we basically haven spoken
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